In-depth: Love in the time of HIV/AIDS

SOUTH AFRICA: Johanna Ncala: “People now are living their lives - they want to have babies.”

JOHANNESBURG, 13 February 2008 (PlusNews) - Johanna Ncala, 40, has been seeing the father of her 2-year-old daughter for four years, and admits that distance isn’t the only thing complicating her love life. Since she was diagnosed positive in 1993, Johanna has had to rethink relationships and what her status might mean to the men in her life.

I’m in a long-distance relationship: he’s in Mozambique, I’m in South Africa. We’re both activists so we don’t have time for each other.

It's not easy for a woman to get a man in general and it's worse when you're HIV positive. It's not easy for men to accept their status so you'll find that person you're telling you're HIV positive, he is also HIV positive but he doesn't want to accept it so he'd rather have negative women around him.... After my diagnosis I stayed single for a long, long time before I had a relationship. It was difficult for me to disclose to other people, so I told myself, ‘I don’t want to get involved, I need time just to find myself.’ It took me five years to disclose to anyone and, unfortunately, that’s when I met him.

We met at a regional workshop where we had all these activists coming together, and in the evenings we would go to the bar. That’s how we started talking and just knowing each other, but he didn’t disclose his status to me even though he knew I was positive.

At first, when I thought he was negative, I wanted to know, is he scared to sleep with me? It was seven months or so before he told me he was HIV positive. I don’t know, it’s difficult for a man, I don’t know why.

I was a medical technologist and I tested myself in 1993 for HIV. There was no hope in those days, but people now are living their lives - they want to have babies. When I was pregnant I would go to these workshops, stand up before everyone, and they would ask, “But, Johanna, how did you do it?”

I would always tell them that if they wanted to know they’d have to come and talk to me about it later. [Pregnancy] is scary for people, so we need to find a way of communicating these things, much like we have a problem of how to communicate the circumcision issue ...At the moment I’m developing a pamphlet about the reproductive rights of HIV positive people, and it talks about ways to get pregnant.

But it’s been four years (of long distance) and it’s becoming difficult for me. You want to make your relationship work if you find someone who accepts you and loves you...because where will I find someone else that understands me? I shudder to think what I would do if he told me he didn't love me anymore because I've tried everything in my power to make this relationship work.

llg/he

Love in the time of HIV/AIDS
Hear our Voices
	Vincent Mdluli, "HIV has ended more romances than anything else" "I don't want to remarry unless I find someone who is HIV positive" Hannie Dlamini: "You need to trust your loved ones" Joanna*, Uganda: "Dating is hectic, so I put a personal ad in the paper" Josephine Nakalema, Uganda: "I would rather make a life with an HIV-positive guy" James Matovu: "I hope she finds someone who can look past her HIV Johanna Ncala: “People now are living their lives - they want to have babies.” Tender Mavundla: "I'm loud and he likes that" Florence Anam: "HIV hasn't stopped me from enjoying sex"
	Previous features UGANDA: Time to address love and sexuality among teens born with HIV ZIMBABWE: Until death us do part - love, marriage and the virus SOUTH AFRICA: Teenage determination KENYA: HIV-positive and still sexy NIGERIA: Sexual desire key to prevention campaigns NIGERIA: Supporting discordant couples to stay together SOUTH AFRICA: Life, love and prevention after HIV/AIDS SOUTH AFRICA: Trust, Lust and Latex
Film
	Love, positively - IRIN/PlusNews film
In-Depth Feedback PlusNews welcomes feedback. Send your messages to feedback.

Feedback  |  Terms & Conditions  |  News Feeds  |  About IRIN  |  Jobs  |  Donors

Copyright © IRIN 2012. All rights reserved. This material comes to you via IRIN, the humanitarian news and analysis service of the UN Office for the Coordination of Humanitarian Affairs. The opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of the United Nations or its Member States. The boundaries, names and designations used on maps on this site and links to external sites do not imply official endorsement or acceptance by the UN. Republication is subject to terms and conditions as set out in the IRIN copyright page.