UGANDA: Joyce Acen, "I hated my mother ... she forced me to marry that man
"The first night with him, I cried the whole night"
Kitgum, 9 April 2009 (PlusNews) - Joyce Acen, now 25 and the mother of two children, lives in Kitgum district, northern Uganda. Eight years ago, shortly after she completed her Ordinary Level exams - the first level at which students are allowed to leave school in the British education system - her mother forced her to marry a man more than twice her age. When she discovered she was HIV-positive, she was filled with anger.
"I studied hard in school and sat for my O-level examinations in 2001. When our examination results were released, I had passed. During my vacation, I started looking for work to get some money and save for further studies.
"My mother suggested that I should go help a man in Kitgum town, who had a drug shop. She said the man would employ me as a shop attendant and pay me a monthly salary of 30,000 shillings [US$15].
"I started selling drugs in the shop; after a few weeks the man said I was hard working and looked beautiful. He said he would marry me. I was only 17 years old by then, but the man kept insisting that he wanted to marry me. He said he would pay for my dowry and school fees if I wanted to continue with school.
"I refused and told my mother, but she said I should marry the man because he would take care of me and pay my school fees. I felt betrayed by my mother - if my father was still alive, he could have saved me.
"The man followed me home after some days. My mother called me and some of my relatives. She said she had no objection to the man marrying me. I tried to refuse but my mother told her other relatives that she had no money to pay for me to go to school and look after me, and, after all, I was ready and old enough for a man.
"The man said he would bring cows, goats and some money for the dowry. I still remember that day when he brought the goats and the money. I feared going to his home, but I had no way out.
"In 2002, when I was pregnant with our first child, I went for antenatal at Kitgum hospital. The health workers told me to come with my husband during my next antenatal visit.
"At first he hesitated, but after some time he accepted. When we reached the antenatal care unit, the health worker called us into his room and started asking us a lot of questions.
"He asked if I have been having sex with another man; I said, 'no'. He then asked my husband if he had other women. He said, 'yes, two other women in the village'. That is when I realized that I was the third wife to my husband.
"The health worker then told us to be strong, because it was not the end of the world. I asked him why he would say that, and he replied that my blood sample test was HIV-positive.
"I cried and cried; I asked my husband why he infected me with the HI virus if he knew that he had many women. I knew he was the one who infected me with HIV because I had never slept with any man other than him.
"I hated my mother at that moment, because she forced me to marry that man. I went home and told my mother; she also cried and apologized but I couldn't forgive her.
"That has been the turning point in my life, and I will never be the same again. I told one of my friends my problems and she advised me to go to church and pray. I started going to pray in a born-again church.
"I told the pastor of the church after some time. He counselled me and told me to forgive my mother; he said hating my mother would never cure the virus. I have now forgiven her, but I will never forget."
kr/oa/he
Theme (s): Care/Treatment - PlusNews, Prevention - PlusNews, PWAs/ASOs - PlusNews,
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